December 15, 2010

This past year has been a wild ride.  I’ve been honored to have worked on some great projects and met individuals that truly embody what it means to be a selfless human being.  Their courage, sacrifice and dedication to a higher cause goes without saying.  I hope to highlight some of these fantastic moments below.  Remember, if you are disabled, challenged athlete, left-behind parent, physically abused, a currently and past victim of kidnapping, suffered neglect; and lastly, just trying to get through life day by day and minute by minute, this is for you. 

The year started with Sean Goldman being returned home after years of being abducted by his mother to the country of Brazil. David Goldman’s strength and perseverance shows us that even when others are against us or have lost hope, we still should be true to ourselves and stay the course.   In the spring, we have seen the diligent work of Carolyn Ann Vlk come to fruition with the first prevention law passed in her home state of Florida.  Left-behind parents of BAC-Home and Global Futures simultaneously worked for an official recognition and movement to recover children abducted to the country of Japan.

In May of 2010, Congressman James Moran (D-VA) and Congressman Chris Smith (R-NJ), announced the introduction of House Resolution 1326; condemning Japan for failing to return a single child since the 1952 Treaty of San Francisco—ending United States and allied occupation. September 28, 2010, less than six months after the announcement of H. Res. 1326, the House of Representatives voted nearly unanimously in favor of House Resolution 1326—in effect, openly stating the United States values our innocent children taken abroad illegally.  Sadly, Representative Ron Paul (R-TX), was the only congressional Representative to vote against, or in favor of the current situation left-behind parents and kidnapped children face daily; as a fellow Texan, I was hurt and appalled along with other American’s for his action.

In April, I participated with BAC-Home as they protested human rights violations of abducted children to Japan, at the annual Cherry Blossom Festival.  Over the week, I volunteered and watched dedicated left-behind parents of BAC-Home create information booklets and pass them out to legislators and meet with their aides.  Volunteers, friends, family and members of Bring Sean Home were present as we finished the long week out, by protesting at the Japanese Ambassador’s residence in Washington, D.C.  Through the year, Voice of America, CNN and the Today Show took an interest in the work of BAC-Home.  While the gulf coast crisis took up the majority of news stories, national and local news did not forget the importance of the work being done in our nation’s capitol.  A number of BAC-Home members were interviewed and the case of Dr. Christopher Savoie was followed by Dateline. 

During the summer, I began work on my first fiction manuscript.  The last time I penned a fictional novel was during my ninth grade school year, at South Houston High School –one of four high schools I attended.  The summer went by way too quick for me.  My children  are growing faster than I can keep up; but I enjoyed every minute of our time away from the school year.  As a family, we took a trip to the Fort Worth Zoo via train. Their fascination with nature continues to bring a smile to my face.  Sadly, with the end of every summer, we were forced to gear up for another school year and return to the land of teachers, professors, papers and exams. 

In August, my son was involved in a terrible wreck.  I had not been informed of the incident or how serious it was.  Thankfully, eighteen hours after the accident my daughter contacted me and informed me—my son was nearly killed, when a drunk driver slammed into their mother’s minivan, in excess of seventy miles an hour.  I rushed to his side and spent the week with him and my daughter.  His injuries were only on his left side.  Like the caring boy he is, he smiled, making jokes to relieve my concerns over him.  Before I left for home, I was given pictures of the wreck.  The pictures showed emergency personnel working on him.

I have worked many wrecks as a medic. Seeing my son in those pictures sent shivers down my spine and kept me up for days.  Over the next two months, my wife and I stayed on edge until we knew he had recovered.  I am still waiting for the outcome concerning the driver who hit them while they were parked on the side of the interstate.  As to how my son was allowed to take his seat-belt off and move about the cabin is another issue.  However, I can only thank the man upstairs for watching out for him.  While I was near their home, I met with the firefighters and E.M.T’s that worked the wreck, If I could give them anything, I would, over the valiant and heroic efforts they made to get him—and his mother—to medical facilities as prompt as they did.

While at the scene of the wreck, I found the cervical collar that an E.M.T. told me she tried to put on him.  As a medic, and father, I found it hard not to go to the site where my son was nearly taken from me.  While walking back to my car, a brown wet blob smelling of gasoline lay before me.  I nearly overlooked it but out of curiosity, I picked it up.  To my amazement, the brown ‘thing’ turned out to be the shirt the medics cut off my son.  I keep both items to this day and use them as a reminder of the day my son nearly lost his life.

As many of you know, I am slowly working towards my law degree.  I originally planned to earn a Ph.D. in psychology but as things go in our lives, I have been pushed towards practicing the law.  During the regular school year, I divide my time between speaking, writing, lobbying and advocating for children abused and kidnapped by family. I also take a full load of classes, so that I can graduate and move on to law school.  Just before Thanksgiving this year, I received a wonderful call from my previous college.  They informed me that I earned an associate of arts degree.  Although I am well past my time at that school, finally hanging my degree on the wall was a great feeling.  During the summers, my family has sacrificed some of our time together while I took online classes.  I hope all of my degrees inspire my children to shoot for a higher level of education—as they’ have inspired me. 

Over the past two years, many of you have read my book and told me that it touched you emotionally.  Some have said, Throwing Stones gave them insight into the possible mind of their child.  I have received emails and phone calls from former abducted children who have found it possible to move beyond the pain, guilt and loss of trust, child abduction and child abuse plants inside us.  As a first time novelist, I have taken your requests and insight to heart—your thoughts have not gone on deaf ears.

Beginning this past September I began rewriting Throwing Stones; Parental Child Abduction through the Eyes of a Child.  I have changed all of the dialog structure—not that it was bad before—in order to make the book in line with the new techniques I have learned since I began it four years ago.  Originally, Throwing Stones was 57,000 words.  After the completion of the revised edition, it is now 72,000 words in length.  I have added to what I call the ‘third act’—since I have learned much more about those final months and days before and after our recovery.  In completing the book, I have added an epilogue, poems and close to thirty pictures.  Lastly, a great deal of people I have met has impacted my work and life.  I felt it was only right that I attempt to name each one of them; however, I am sure I will miss a few before final publishing approval. 

The final edits for Throwing Stones, were completed only days ago.  I have created a PDF of the book and tried it out on my NOOK Color e-reader.  Through the holidays, I plan to resubmit the new manuscript for publication with another publishing house.  I have never signed with an agent; and I feel it is time I secure one to help represent all of my future books.  In the mean time, I plan to offer the current published version through my website and as normal, through your favorite booksellers.  We are working out the details on how to set up a PayPal account so that you can purchase a signed copy through me.  I may also offer a free or paid copy of the new edition in digital format after the New Year; the current version is offered in digital on my website and others.  I look forward to all of your ideas on this, so please send me an email. 

***

I would like to take this time to write about some important issues in my life and others:

  Many of you may know that I am a disabled Veteran.  I injured my spine years ago and it is the reason I had to leave my career in law enforcement and emergency medicine.  After I underwent multilevel spinal fusion in 2005, I spent a year going through the worst rehabilitation of my life.  If it had not been for the twenty-fifth anniversary of my abduction, I might never have found the inspiration and strength to push myself physically and mentally. They say behind every good man is a great woman.  This is true and she was a guiding light for me in this time.  Since then I have cross-country hiked with my wife in five states.  This past October I completed my second Muddy Buddy eco-biathlon.  I hope to compete in a triathlon in 2011.  Lin and I will hike the 220-mile John Muir Trail during late summer. We will finish the trail at the highest point in the lower forty-eight states, Mt. Whitney.  At the summit, I plan to hold up a flag or wear a shirt that represents child abduction, child abuse and challenged athletes. 

You might ask what the connection between the three of these things is.  Really, there is nothing on the surface.  However, I can almost divide my life by those three simple things.  As everyone knows, I was kidnapped as a child.  Back when I was recovered, there was not any help or understanding about the affects kidnapping caused on the left-behind parent and child-victim.  Many children including myself, slipped through the cracks—as did our left-behind parent’s that did not know how to cope or move beyond survivor mode.  My mother was in an abusive relationship at the time we were recovered.  Her husband was physically and emotionally abusive to her and us. 

My mother never learned how to deal with a child that could not trust, had a speech impediment, uncontrolled head jerking and sounds he made when nervous (what I now understand as tics).  We moved constantly.  I was forced to take a job and pay rent at the age of thirteen.  Later when I joined the Army, I had an accident that injured my back.  At the age of twenty-four, I had my right hand crushed—almost severing my index finger, middle finger and ring finger. All of the metacarpals were crushed beyond repair.  I underwent over a year of rehabilitation and three reconstructive surgeries.  Most of my right hand is cement, metal and cadavers bone now.  The reconstruction never worked as well as we hoped.  Finally, I opted for a ray-amputation of the middle part of my hand. I could not feel (and still can’t) most of my right hand. 

All of the doctors said I would never be able to use it or in the way I once did.  I am not one to lie down and give up.  During the recovery time, I taught myself how to use my other hand just as good as the one I partially lost.  Two years after my accident I graduated school as a medic.  As a testament to my perseverance, I have written countless articles, press releases and a book with the use of only my left hand, right thumb, right ring finger and partial right index finger.

Throughout my adult life I have dealt with back pain and numbing down my legs.  Icy Hot, Doans, Lortab and Advil have been a constant and unwelcome companion since my injury in the Army.  It has not stopped me and up until my back gave out in late 2003, I continued to train in various forms of martial arts and weightlifting.  When my spine did finally give up, I found myself with more than the loss of sensation—the organs, muscles and nerves that are affected from the cervical and lumbar section of the spine are many and complicated.  From the moment it gave out, I began my collection of canes, a onetime wheelchair, spinal braces and knee braces.

In late 2004, I moved to where I live now to be near my finance and future wife.  I had not learned the lesson of using my brains instead of my physical body.  After our wedding, I knew I was having spinal fusion that year.  I wanted to get in one more ‘hoo-ah’ hike in before I went under the knife and my life changed again.  My wife and I hiked the Sawtooth National Forest in Idaho and Yosemite National Park for our honeymoon.  We came back home the night Hurricane Katrina made landfall.  As we watched the news, our hearts went out to all of those suffering, trapped and hurting.  When our city took thousands in to give refuge, we decided to help.

Reunion Arena was turned into a giant camp.  Children had no place to go.  My wife and I set up a make shift area for the children.  Most of those events are a blur now—since I underwent spinal fusion only days later—I do however remember all the faces and stories they told.  We worked up to the night before my surgery.  I wanted so bad to return; but as anyone who has undergone this type of surgery knows, lifting boxes and moving heavy objects is the last thing on your mind. 

During my recovery, I began to evaluate much of my life, desires and why I had the drive to never quit.  Through a series of events I found my place with what I am doing now.  A combination of people helped direct and focus my attention.  Beth Alberts; CEO for Center of the Missing, and Marc Klaas opened doors for me, giving me my first real understanding of what had gone on since my own kidnapping twenty-five years earlier.  Guilt, shame, mistrust, confusion and the feeling of never meeting the expectations of others had ruled my life—not for long!

Through late 2006 and 2007, I spoke at conferences and testified in court.  I immersed myself with case law, psychological studies and every aspect of what parental child abduction was and is.  I worked in stranger based and non-stranger based child abduction.  I heard arguments for and against the reasons to abduct.  One thing kept coming to the forefront when the child’s perspective was asked: Does parental child abduction affect the child and if so, how? 

The findings always came back to a resounding ‘yes’, when the child was taken into consideration.   I have met many former abducted children and left-behind parents.  They live all over the world yet we always share a string of similar effects caused by our kidnappings and mental abuse.  Many of them do not want to talk about or even be reminded of their past.  I respect this and have always done my best to protect their identity and life they currently live.  However, someone had to stand up for all of us and speak out—leave a written record that we were here and that this did happen to us.  We were and are the real victims here and not the property of our parents.  Too many so-called professionals have done their damage by marginalizing us into a nonexistent sideshow.

  I needed to really do something that would make more than a dent on parental child abduction.  At the time I started to write Throwing Stones’, I was beginning to build a new career as a freelance photojournalist and sports photographer.  Someone pointed out that I had written an unpublished book in high school and asked if I ever thought about putting my child abduction into a novel.  With that question, I began work on what would become the Finding Home series and the first book, Throwing Stones.  In January 2009, it was released and the rest of the story you know. 

***

What do I want you to take from this?  I want you to understand that each of us has a story in us.  Each of us has the ability to push through any event in our life—no matter how tragic or physically debilitating.  Every day I am amazed when I turn on the news or watch a true-life movie.  There are men and women out there who have lost entire limbs in combat, accidents and diseases.  I see them as they pass me while competing against them.  There are left-behind parents like Josef Cannon, Dr. Chris Savoie, Dawn Wilson and Maureen Dabbagh, who have circled the globe trying to recover their stolen children. 

These people are my hero’s!  When I see the work they are doing, the adversity they have to deal with that is caused by being a left-parent; well my heart goes out to them and admires them.  We live in a society where you can pick and choose what truth you want to partake of.  All I can hope to pass on to you, is to ask you to close your eyes and envision that it is your child who has been kidnapped, your child that you will never see again, and your child that is in mental/emotional pain—due to the actions of the one you loved and once called spouse.  If this is you, then I hope you can find strength in these people. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

          I realize this was not the direction I intended to take this year-in-the-making update.  Sometimes I believe we need a word of encouragement.  Sometimes we need to have another person carry the torch or show us the way back to the path.  It is not going to be easy but you can push through.  Every time I look back and really take in even a small part of my life, I am amazed and in awe of where I am now.  No, I am not saying that my life is a bundle of joy.  I am saying that it is better to fight the fight, then to give in. 

          I know I am not the only person in the world who wakes up and is hit with a feeling that your back has been drilled or the numbing in your legs also aches at the same time.  I know others are out there and I know they make their bodies push farther than the day before.  I have yet to meet a fellow amputee, spinal patient or other challenged person that does not see how far they can go physically and mentally.  Be that person!  When you can’t go on, go in the bathroom and tell yourself you can; scream it.  Do it every day until you believe it; it worked for me. 

          There is another left-behind parent, former abducted child, amputee, disabled vet or disabled person that needs you as much as you need them.  I draw from the energy so many of you give.  We are not alone!  Together we get through the day, the month, the season and the year.  We do it together.  Some people out there truly get under my skin.  I have to look beyond that.  I have to ask myself if I have offended them, or do I truly know where they are coming from.  Each of us who have been hurt, finds it that much harder to let go of our insecurity and trust.  However, when we do give trust, we give real trust that goes beyond the superficial. 

          Christmas and the holidays are upon us.  Take this time to think about your life, the good, the bad and the truth.   Decide what it is you can do to make life better for yourself.  If your child is missing, if you have been abducted or if you have suffered a physical / mental trauma, make a list of your strengths and weaknesses.  Be honest, but look at it and start making a list of each of your one and their opposite.  Take those positive strengths and match them with a negative one.  Whenever you feel like you can’t go on, take that negative weakness and substitute the positive one for it.  Sounds too silly to be true—try it and see what happens. 

Lastly, get involved!  Find a local support group and reach out.  I promise you will look back a year later and smile, just as I am smiling now.  –I look forward to reading how much your life has changed for the positive.  I know it is hard when you are in the middle of ‘it’ and your child is still abducted.  This is not a fix all so that you go back to a time before.  This is however, a chance to take back and gain some control in your life, which you can be happy. 

Happy Holidays,

Ken