"Minutes become Hours, Hours become Day"

 

Roaring, humming, this chariot makes wake.

I hide in the dark, what will be my fate?

Shaggy brown fur covers walls all around.

The wheels keep turning, I can’t see the ground.

Like bandits and robbers yes we have taken flight.

My Father a madman, my Mother not in sight.

Oh Mommy, Oh Mommy I scream deep inside.

Bundles of clothes and crying baby.

My sister gives looks of terror might be.

I hide in the dark, what will be our fate.

Hungry I think, should I make a sound?

He’s gone off the deep end or can’t live without me.

Minutes become hours, hours a day.

Great chariot stops, “Stay here, I won’t be long”.

He leaves us to make phone calls,

This is a hideous place.

Baby brother cries Mommy, Big sister to only be found.

I look out my window, this is not my town?

My Father comes bouncing, pride will be his fate.

Up dark roads, big earth all around.

Soon I will have a new Mommy, my Father explains.

We enter their home, dark wood on the walls.

Sit here, give hugs, stand up, you’re so big!

This is your new home, no you will not talk back.

I’m Aunty, He’s Uncle, this is the only way.

You’ll like it, you’ll love it, there isn’t much choice.

God granted this verdict, Mother’s sins abound.

Alone in the dark, I quite my heart.

No one loves me, where this that I am?

Day turns weeks, weeks into months.

I have a new Mommy, She loves me so much.

I’m given a bath; I’m shown how to eat.

Other Mommy was not proper, this one can perfect.

Cold night I cry mommy, I can hardly hold back.

She’s a bitch and a slut, Satan’s whore.

Not fit to wear a crown.

New school, new friends, new religion to boot.

My daddy has a girlfriend; he says she’s the best.

Months become a year and the police are so near.

Wake up, wake up, Daddy it’s three AM?

The police have come to get me you must come now.

Leave what you have, don’t take a thing.

“Nothing is worth keeping if it saves me”.

All of my toys and things that make me.

Gone like the wind because the “law” intruded in.

I hide in the dark, what will be my fate?

Welcome to Texas, isn’t this great.

I perked slowly and smiled a great grin.

Inside I was dying, what a horrible wreck.

Minutes become hours, hours a day.

Day becomes weeks and weeks become months,

A new school to go too and friends that are swell.

A new religion to teach me and I won’t burn in my own private hell.

Who am I, I have forgotten.  My Daddy says “Womack”.

I don’t remember that name.

I’ve learned not to speak.

To keep my mouth shut.

Little boys know nothing, this one as well.

I am what I am, that’s all they will know.

I hate everyone, my Mother the most.

She left me, she married, and she dumped my poor Dad.

God will never forgive her while she is hanging in hell.

My sister is older, my brother and her so close.

I hide in the darkness, silence my hope.

God hates me; he loves me as long as I play.

This is not fair but who can I blame?

My Daddy met knew Mommy with three more kids to float.

Does she know our dark secret?  Will she tell?

Minutes become hours, hours a day.

Day becomes weeks, weeks became months.

I have new Mommy and we’re moving again.

We’ll live in the forest until Daddy makes use of his hands.

In tall trees I get lost and deny his voice.

I’ll come home when I want to and sleep in my tent.

God hates me I can prove it.  Just look at this face.

We have a new home to live in. like cowboys of late.

No lights run electric and gas to keep warm.

My Father is crazy while digging our water well.

Burn box springs for bedding and sleep on rough sheets.

My skin is so itchy, covered with scabs. It’s just from fishing.

We’ll boil hot water on the stove and fill up the tub. 

Jump in real quickly, scrub - a – dub - dub.

It’s my turn ,it’s my turn ,no four still to go.

Another day itching, my Father’s so swell.

I believe all the lies.  I forgot the before.

Police lights come frightening; their all over the road.

Your Mommy has looking and looking for you.

Aren’t you so happy?  We saved you from him.

She hates me, she hates me.

My Father said so.

People ask questions and cameras all around.

Why did you not call us? We have loved you from far.

I hate you, I hate you. Give me back my Dad.

Long flight to freedom, and presents we get.

Next morning I awake.  She gives me a hair brush.

I stroke her long hair while she sits and stares.

“I think I know you”, Mommy is found.

  http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/DN-abduct_29met.ART.State.Edition2.2908a92.html
 

 

"God Speaks to Rats"

 

 

I hate everyone and I trust no one.

I feel nothing and see everything.

Deception is truth.

Truth is made up in lies.

Look closer, peer through the key hole.

I’ll rip out your eyes.

Inside me is madness, death all around.

I HATE YOU!

Do you still hate me?

Transition is bliss.

Permanence, like Death is only shadows.

I cannot make anyone proud.

Why should I try?

Why do they lie?

God is for losers.

Death is for heroes.

I line my walls in fairytales.

Graphic Novels tell the rest.

Under these paper thin mats I hide.

I hear him hitting her. 

Should I cry?

Should I run?

Will I die?

Fate is what is made of it.

Given no choice or the smell of “whim”.

Fear runs through me, and Fear my only friend.

God speaks to rats.

My mask to the world.

My face only to the dark.

Eyes are the window to the soul…

 

 

 

 

 

"Just Words"

 

I turn inside myself, aching every inch.

I don’t know why God hates me? 

Do I really give a shit?

He left me in this hole with half of me outside.

My Father is going crazy, dare I wonder why.

My sister is in the bathroom.

Slapping black makeup on her face.

I have Ozzy in my ears drowning out the pain.

My brother plays with He-man.

Papa holds him on his lap.

Dad is now my Mommy.

Devils flew us from her sight.

Masquerading as angel’s holding large flashlights.

Inside my head there is a world,

No one knows about.

I go there very often. 

That’s where I scream aloud.

Father is going crazy, dare I wonder why.

My Mother knew it when I was a baby.

Kept it to herself.

He held that knife so closely.

Scaring little feet that seen them.

When they thought no one was around.

It is no doubt inside me.

He really is insane.

He shows his love so blindly.

I better do the same.

 

 "Will You Still be my Daddy"

 

“Will you still be my Daddy?” said my daughter.

“Yes I will."

She looked up with those big green eyes and spoke these words to me.

I could see the pain on her face.

I could feel her little body tremble as I held her tight.

I know not what the future holds.

I know not what tomorrow brings.

As I spoke these words I started to cry

“But I do know I will always be your Daddy little one”.

 

Oh little one don’t you cry.

You are the twinkle in my eye.

Yes I may have to go someday.

You will always know I love my little one no matter what.

You will always be my special one.

Oh little one try not to cry.

 

Copyright © 2006-2007, Kenneth Dale Connelly

 

I wish there was another way

I wish I could not go but stay.

I brushed my fingers through her curls.

Holding back my tears and told her the same.

“I will always be your daddy little girl”.

 

Oh little one don’t you cry.

You are the twinkle in my eye.

Yes I may have to go someday.

You will always know I love my little one no matter what.

You will always be my special one.

Oh little one try not to cry.

 

 

She sat there on my knee that day.

I curled my arms around her as I spoke these soft words again.

I could not tell her what I felt.

“Some times Mom’s and Daddy’s can only fight”.

Those horrible words you have heard through the night.

Have ripped my soul each day and night.

But I will always be your daddy little one.

 

 

Oh little one don’t you cry.

You are the twinkle in my eye.

Yes I may have to go someday.

You will always know I love my little one no matter what.

You will always be my special one.

Oh little one try not to cry.

 

 

 "A Slip a Drip"

 

A slip, a drip, and a cut of the knife.

Tickle, prickle, crawling down my arms.

Black and white fade, with crimson rain.

 

To feel, to heal, this was not for me.

Dragging the cold edge ,of a tulips stain.

Plunge deeper and deeper.

There is no pain.

It is all in my head; Dreams luxury.

To sleep is to live.

In flowered labor gives sweet death.

God discards his mistakes, like mothers holding bent hangers.

A slip, a drip, and the cut of the knife.

Tickle, Prickle, crawling down my arms.

Black and white fade, with crimson rain.

 

This is taking so damn long, the labor pains.

It is the beginning we seek, the ending the same.

Black and White faded, Crimson come wash this pain.

 

"Seeking their Approval"

 

Not what his mother wanted.

He is not what she dreamed.

A life full of pain, tormented you see.

Confused as a boy,

Who loves me?

Serving many masters; 

Taking all that they can.

Never one happy,

Never one proud.

His mistakes are made legend.

My mistakes make me sad.

Father’s excuses and mother’s demand.

When I finally spoke up they slapped me down again.

You will never be fit,

Never good enough for our love.

You’re an excuse and a curse.

No, I am a man.

Look here and look there;

Mirrors held in parents hands.

You don’t know what you remember;

Listen to us.

You’re a beast, you’re a villain.

Forgive us once, forgive us twice.

We don’t answer to you.

God gave us this rite.

Like a thief on the loose;

We’ll rob you tonight.

In the morning you’ll accuse us.

To much our delight.

Twisting and turning each word that you say.

We will never be wrong;

Just go away.

 
 

 

"Anxiety Attack"

 

Half cocked with a glazed smile.

A Prozac induced nirvana.

I don’t feel that this is really me.

I wear the face, so happy the clown.

With no makeup on my face,

Inside I cry.

I sense the madness.

I crawl with fear.

Don’t know how I can make it through this day.

This predator a hairs length from my back.

It is getting ready to attack.

And I am still chemically happy.

Anxiety Attack!